fly away.

all i want, all i need, all i yearn to do is just spread my wings and fly away. just leave behind this life, not leave behind all of the people i love here, but just... forget everything that has happened. if the past could be forgotten, life would be so much easier.

i wish i could let it go. just let everything that has happened go. then i could fly. all the weight would be off of me, and i could soar. above the boundary lines.. just be absolutely free, with nothing to lose. nothing to lose, and everything to gain. i could just whisk through life without a care in the world, without worrying and fretting about the depression, the meds, the cutting.

i'd be free, and i'd have so much hope. but, even a little hope can go a very, very long way.

i need to break free from the chains of depression holding me down.

and right now, with how i'm feeling at the moment,
it feels very possible.

perfection.

i hope i find myself. i hope that, in the future, i'll discover who i am, who i'm supposed to be. that would be the most fantastic thing ever to happen. i'd discover that i'm really an artist, a musician, a counsellor. i want to mean something to someone. i want to save a life, or at least change them. i want to make an impact, the biggest impact any depressed girl has ever made on anyones life.

i want to help people. i want to help people with music, with lyrics, with poetry, with words. i want to show people that they are not alone in their sufferance, that they can get help. that they don't have to be perfect for anyone, that everyone has their flaws and weaknesses. i want to teach people that perfection is only possible in weakness. perfection is not real.

striving for perfection will get you nowhere.

i've learned that the hard way.

saving lives.

if i were a pretty, wealthy girl, i think i would give money to to write love on her arms. then i'd buy a huge mansion in the country. then i would become a counsellor. and i would help all the depressed teenagers, so they won't have to feel how i feel now. so they could tackle the problem and get rid of it before it gets this big. i would tell people not to wait.. to call.. to ask for help. that it would be the best thing to do. i would save lives, the way i almost couldn't save my own. i would help people to free their souls.

that is, if i make it that far.
maybe, someday... this fantasy will come true.