love&hope.

love is what keeps me going, i think. it's all i need... i need love. need his warm embrace, crave his kiss, falling head-over-heels for his perfect, beautiful eyes. his voice, the way he says my name, the way he whispers in my ear, the way he kisses my hair, my neck...
i really love this. it gives me reasons to look forward to tomorrow. to life. as long as he's here, as long as he's in my future, i need this. i'm going to do this.

i haven't cut myself in 16 days. a whole sixteen days. i can't believe how good i'm doing.. i don't want to ever cut again... he's helping me do this. he's helping me through.

i really, really want to win this. i really think i can. i think i'm gonna fix this... i think i'm gonna do it.

i have hope & love now. this is a beautiful feeling, hope & love are beautiful.

they're taking me to such great heights...

i can smell the death on the sheets.

cancer is a killer in my life. cancer has been a big part of my growing up, all my life, someone i know & love has had cancer. cancer is a devil, a horrible thing, my weakness. if i find out about cancer, i feel hopeless. absolutely hopeless. i have this constant, horrible fear that i'm going to get cancer. or ethan. or ty. or anyone. someone will get cancer, someone will die slowly, and i will die along with them. because cancer is satan's disease. it's all him. he's trying to get to me, to everyone who's affected by cancer.

healing is so important... everyone who has had cancer will heal, but also everyone who has had to deal with someone they love having cancer, they will have to heal. i know i had to. after my brother went into remission, i had nightmares for months about it coming back. i dreamed of cancer as a black monster, coming to kill me. to kill pete. to kill everyone i love. slowly. slowly, oh so slowly.

but we have to have hope. hope is a big part of it. hope is so important. we have to have hope that they'll recover, that we'll recover from the trauma, that everything will be okay. because it's all part of God's plan. God made these things happen for a reason, it will all benefit us in the end. God is amazing, he can plan the lives of 6 billion people.

absolutely incredible.

God saved my brother and my dad. he might not have saved my opa and my aunt, but they died in peace, knowing God would save them.

hope is a beautiful thing.

let it help you fly.